


The Great Jedi Nude Leak

by imgoingtohellforthis



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Crack Fic, F/F, I'm back bitch, M/M, Other, everyone is gay and some fucker is leakin nudes, star wars crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-05-31 19:12:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6484078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imgoingtohellforthis/pseuds/imgoingtohellforthis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ahsoka couldn't take it. Her two innocent lesbian eyes had been soiled...and she knew...the nude leaker had to be STOPPED. Even Dooku's nudes were all over holonet. WHOS NEXT...GENERAL GREVIOUS ?? DOES HE EVEN HAVE A</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was a shit ass day in Courasaunt. Ahsoka Tano was minding her own lesbian business on her laptop, watching Diners Dive ins and Drives and stalking that one bitch Barris Offee on tumblr. FUCK Barriss Offee. So, normal stuff. Anakin and Obi wan were off training or whatever, so it was nice to have some time alone to look at Guy Fieris succulent face. Yes bitch. Thicc.

Ahsoka ignored the email notifications she kept getting, becoming more and more annoyed because Fieri was about to eat a 39 pound slice of meatloaf AND IT WAS GETTING INTENSE. Groaning, she paused the show to block whoever kept fucking shitting on her alone time. 

The feeling of regret was overwhelming. As soon as she clicked to her HotMail tab, a flashing image before her eyes nearly blinded her- dear god, she wish it would have. Because the events about to unfold were nastier then that one time Anakin dropped his Big Mac in the toilet and still ate it. 

 

There, before her, was a photo of Obi wan, naked, dong out, BEING FUCKED FROM BEHIND by Anakin, cum on the fucking walls, a Yoda piñata hanging from the ceiling, Popeyes chicken on the bed... It was...

Ahsoka couldn't take it. Her two innocent lesbian eyes had been soiled. She immediately went on porn hub to CLENSE herself of sin and watch Ayla Secura's boobs. But it was too late, the image was haunting her still... 

Another email. 

Ahsoka prayed to her God in heaven, Macklemore, savior of the gays, and clicked open. 

It was worse. 

Two photos this time- One of Yoda, surrounded by naked alien hoes, his sagging 26 pack and invisible dick causes Ahsoka to promptly Vomit all over her laptop. The vomiting continues and does not stop for 55 minutes. FUCK. 

But alas, there was more. 

Count Dooku in all his Sith glory, Laying on a bed covered in Obi wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker merchandise, his mouth wrapped around toy-Anakin's....feet. 

Ahsoka screams and does not stop. Anakin comes in along with Obi wan, frantic. 

"HOLY SHIT AHSOKA WHAT ARE YOU SCREAMING ABOUT hoLY FUCK IS THAT COUNT DOOKU!???!?" 

Ahsoka wipes the tears from her face, "yes master." 

"But...there's more...." 

Obi wan immediately holds his Lightsaber to his head when the other pics are shown. 

"PULL THE TRIGGER ANAKIN"

Anakin is on the floor, downing cartons of milk, while Ahsoka sets her laptop on fire. 

Mace Windu, hearing all the ruckus, bursts through the door. 

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON. WHY IS SKYWALKER COVERED IN MILK. WHY IS THIS APARTMENT ON FIRE. WHY IS MASTER KENOBI SLAMMING HIMSELF INTO THE WALL SCREAMING." 

Ahsoka turns her head slowly to face him, her eyes devoid of any light and happiness they once held. Her lip trembles, and tears spring into her eyes. 

"Master Windu...Anakin is...a fucking homo..." 

"WELL SHIT AHSOKA DIDNT EVERYONE ALREADY KNOW THAT. THEM TWO BE MAKIN LOVE EYES AT EACH OTHER THROUGH EVERY COUNCIL MEETING. ITS DISGUSTING. TED CRUZ 2016."

"S-sir..." Obi wan's shaky voice came from the corner, where he proceeded to rock back and forth and talk to himself. 

"Everyone nudes. They're bein leaked."

Windus eyes grew dark as fuck. 

"We can't let this happen, if it is true. I got some SHIT on iCloud."

Anakin crawled over the the corner to where Obi wan was, and shoved goldfish into his mouth. 

"I love cheese bitch"

And so the hunt for the nude leaker began.


	2. Eat my bug lovin ass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WHATS UP SINNERS ARE YOU READY FOR ANOTHER INSTALLMENT

Obi wan heard the buzzing before it happened. The small insect could hardly been seen in the dark, the only indication it was there was by the faint buzzing. He was dreaming a spicy ass dream about everyone's favorite morally questionable Jedi, one that involved a Burger King, two cans of clam chowder, and a lawn mower. 

Anyway this gay ass piece of shit was dreaming his little homo ass away when the mosquito flew down. He obviously didn't see it coming because he was 235 miles into dream-Anakins butt hole. 

Obi wan screamed awake. The mosquito bit his nipple with all the force of a rogue ATAT in a Denny's parking lot. 

"FUC KIN NG FU CK SH IT OH MT GOD. WHO PITCHED MY NIPPLE. WHO FUCKIGN. BIT MY GODDAMN NIPPLE???!!??!" 

Obi wan being the wise and knowledgeable Jedi master that he was, did not realize that no one wanted his bumpy and slightly deformed nipple in their mouth. 

 

"ANAKIN YOU FUCKING DICK. GET THE F CUK UP HOW DARE YOU. HOW DARE YOU BITE A MANS NIPPLE. ITS BLEEDING YOU MOTHER FUCKING SHIT STAIN LOOK AT TH-" 

As Obi wan pulled off the covers, he realized ANAKIN WAS COVERED IN 647849 BUG BITES. OBI WAN FELL TO THE GROUND. HE SCREAMED LIKE A LITTLE GIRL AS HE HASTILY DIALED THE ONE PERSON HE KNEW WOULD APPRECIATE HIS LOVELY VOICR AT 4AM. 

"WINDU COME QUICK" 

"...are you fucking with me Kenobi"

"nOO. NO. OH MY GO D ITS GOD SH"

"Why force. Why is my life so difficult. Who decided this."

"AAAAAAAAAH"

***

"You think the swelling will go down if I suck you dick?"

Oh dear Jesus. Here we go. He we FUVKING go again. 

Windu stood outside of Obi wan and anakins apartment, listening to them talk. Honestly this was. Too fucking much. 

Windu held his breath and kicked down the door. 

 

"NOBODY MOVE. THERE WILL BE NO DICK SUCKING ON MY WATCH."

"But sir the swelling-"

"ANAKIN. PUT THAT THING AWAY. YOU DISGUST ME."

"Sorry master do you wanna do it? Listen I totally understand jealousy issues this one time-" 

"I. DO. NOT. GIVE. A FUCK." 

"...Obi wan he's bullying me..."

Obi wan paid no attention, as he rolled in a pool of neosporin on the floor. 

"Master Windu I hate to be rude but my nipple is on fire can you maybe-"

"NO. SOMEBODY JUST EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED."

Anakin cleared his throat. 

"We were bitten by a fuck ton of bugs, master."

Windu put his face in his hands. 

"You called me. Because of a goddamn mosquito."

"We think this has something to do with the nude leaks." 

Said anakin, more seriously this time. 

"The bugs could be mechanical, and being used to take close ups of our body's." 

"Holy shit that makes perfect sense BUT HOW WE GONNA CATCH THESE FUCKERS.."

Obi wan stood up, still dripping with anti itch cream. He took a bite out of a week old slice of pizza coming out of anakins mattress. 

"Anakin can sniff the bugs out. He LOVES TO EAT BUGS."

Anakin drooled. "I succ the good bug."

Master Windu's face was one of complete disappointment. 

"Of corse you do Anakin." 

Anakin zipped up his pants and headed towards the door. 

"OBI WAN WAS THE ONE WHO TAUGHT ME TO LIVE OFF THE LIVING FORCE. NOW I WILL USE THAT KNOWLAGE...."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get fucked

**Author's Note:**

> YO WHAT THE FUCK YOU GUYS HOPED YOU ENJOYED SOME NEW FRESH CRACK FROM YOUR FAVE FIC DEALER, CHAPTER TWO ON ITS WAY BITCH XOXOXOXO


End file.
